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Case Archives

Every attraction this firm has sued over — newest thrills first.

8 incident reports on file

Case File 008

The Triple Flyover Death Zone, Vandal Ejections into Municipal Traffic, and Recurrent Fecal Contamination

The park commissioned an uncertified three-lane inflatable launch array that threw riders across open ground onto unpadded deck, adopted an oversized boxing glove as its standing eviction instrument and struck suspected vandals into live roadway traffic and open sea, hurled recovered human waste over the perimeter onto an occupied pedestrian crosswalk, and closed the period draining occupied pools while patrons remained in the basin.

Damages sought$18,000,000

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Case File 007

Green-Water Contamination, Aerial Battery by Boxing Glove, and the Municipal Pursuit of Patron Tyson

Across four operating days the facility allowed its swimming basins to turn opaque green before draining them with patrons still inside, struck a photographing guest with a claw hammer and a construction employee with a framing hammer, launched patrons over the perimeter fence and into municipal airspace with an oversized boxing glove before pursuing one of them down the public sidewalk, and recovered floating human waste by hand while swimmers remained in the water.

Damages sought$16,625,000

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Case File 006

Extortion at the Turnstiles, Sledgehammer Enforcement, and the Inflatable Slide Expansion

Park management deposited a patron into oncoming street traffic, refused an organized-crime debt demand at the entrance turnstiles and then abandoned the premises during operating hours to pursue a customer into an off-site retail store, and opened an inflatable slide expansion whose unmonitored basins, removed drain plugs, and saturated walkways produced consecutive submersion emergencies and an underwater resuscitation.

Damages sought$19,065,000

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Case File 005

Slide Zone Near-Drownings, Airborne Biohazard Battery, and Sledgehammer Wristband Enforcement

The park inaugurated its Slide Zone expansion amid consecutive near-drownings and a claw hammer admission check, hurled recovered pool feces at a bystanding patron, and adopted a sledgehammer as its wristband verification instrument while promotional flyer distribution left pedestrians prone in active traffic.

Damages sought$6,120,000

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Case File 004

Boxing Glove Enforcement, Perimeter Ejections, and the Museum Biohazard Incident

Park management adopted a boxing glove as its primary instrument of admission enforcement and continued ejecting patrons over the perimeter fence, culminating in a near-drowning with delayed rescue and the bare-handed relocation of pool fecal matter onto the steps of the municipal museum.

Damages sought$7,115,000

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Case File 003

Sledgehammer Gate Enforcement, Delayed Rescue, and Public-Street Ejection

Park management enforced ticketing by sledgehammer and threw noncompliant patrons over the perimeter fence, then delayed the rescue of a drowning guest to complete concession sales and carried a dissatisfied customer off the premises onto a public street, all amid recurring fecal contamination of active swimming areas.

Damages sought$4,835,000

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Case File 002

Sustained Sledgehammer Battery and Progressive Sanitary Collapse

Park management conducted a sustained campaign of battery using sledgehammers, mops, and other held implements, while the facility accumulated uncontained biological waste, defective attractions, and an unattended drowning emergency.

Damages sought$13,640,000

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Case File 001

The Opening of Stanky Shores

An investigation into the inaugural operations of Stanky Shores Waterpark, documenting multiple acts of battery, bludgeoning, hazardous waste disposal, and vehicular collisions.

Damages sought$4,325,000

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Filed reports

The Triple Flyover Death Zone, Vandal Ejections into Municipal Traffic, and Recurrent Fecal Contamination

Green-Water Contamination, Aerial Battery by Boxing Glove, and the Municipal Pursuit of Patron Tyson

Extortion at the Turnstiles, Sledgehammer Enforcement, and the Inflatable Slide Expansion

Slide Zone Near-Drownings, Airborne Biohazard Battery, and Sledgehammer Wristband Enforcement

Boxing Glove Enforcement, Perimeter Ejections, and the Museum Biohazard Incident

Sledgehammer Gate Enforcement, Delayed Rescue, and Public-Street Ejection

Sustained Sledgehammer Battery and Progressive Sanitary Collapse

The Opening of Stanky Shores