Featured attraction
The Opening of Stanky Shores
An investigation into the inaugural operations of Stanky Shores Waterpark, documenting multiple acts of battery, bludgeoning, hazardous waste disposal, and vehicular collisions.
Now showing
Official Park Security Footage
The fine print
Itemized Damages
Priced per Exhibit A, the firm’s Schedule of Damages.
| Incident | Unit | Subtotal |
|---|---|---|
| Tier I — Bodily Harm | ||
| 1Slip-and-fall upon unmaintained surface | $75,000 | $75,000 |
| 4Blunt-force impact by object or structure | $120,000 | $480,000 |
| 1Near-drowning requiring rescue | $750,000 | $750,000 |
| Tier I subtotal | $1,305,000 | |
| Tier II — Managerial Battery & Misconduct | ||
| 6Battery upon a patron (shoving) | $250,000 | $1,500,000 |
| 3Battery by means of object or vehicle | $400,000 | $1,200,000 |
| Tier II subtotal | $2,700,000 | |
| Tier III — Facility & Sanitation | ||
| 3Biohazard exposure event | $60,000 | $180,000 |
| 8Accumulation of refuse | $15,000 | $120,000 |
| Tier III subtotal | $300,000 | |
| Tier IV — Non-Physical | ||
| 4Infliction of emotional distress | $5,000 | $20,000 |
| Tier IV subtotal | $20,000 | |
| Total Damages | $4,325,000 | |
Ride log
Chronology of Chaos
Vehicular Impacts and Street Battery
During initial site preparation, park personnel were exposed to severe hazards on the adjacent public roadway. An employee designated as Staff was struck on two separate occasions by passing motor vehicles while navigating the street. Shortly thereafter, Manager CaseOh entered a nearby commercial establishment, seized patron Griffin without authorization, and threw him into active traffic lanes on two consecutive instances.
“Where you going goober? Put me down? What are you talking about?” — Park Manager CaseOh
Deposition and Dispersal of Fecal Waste
Investigative personnel noted uncontained fecal matter on both the park beach area and the public sidewalk outside CayMart. Rather than utilizing proper biohazard containment procedures, Manager CaseOh retrieved the waste material by hand and deliberately threw it at patron Eva, causing direct contact and immediate distress.
“They got poop in the CayMart? Hold up.” — Park Manager CaseOh
Physical Assaults Executed with Bludgeons
Upon identifying individual Wrenlee as an un-ticketed entrant near the pool facility, management forcibly seized her and ejected her to the exterior sidewalk. When she re-entered the vicinity, Manager CaseOh threw her onto the pavement and proceeded to strike her using a heavy sledgehammer. A similar bludgeoning attack was carried out against pedestrian Ximena following a verbal dispute on the public sidewalk.
“You are not supposed to be in here. Get out of here.” — Park Manager CaseOh
Aquatic Negligence and Extrajudicial Ejection
During park operations, patron Easton remained submerged face-down in the primary pool while displaying an active submerged distress indicator. Manager CaseOh observed the victim from the pool deck but failed to perform rescue operations or deploy flotation apparatus. In a separate incident near the diving board, Manager CaseOh shoved patron Kylian to the ground before lifting and hurling him completely over the perimeter bamboo fencing.
“Get out of here. Do not you ever litter in here again.” — Park Manager CaseOh